It's in a fairly discrete place, and you may not know I even have it until I begin talking with my hands like I so often do. But when someone does notice it, I usually get the question, "what does your tattoo mean?" Because the question comes up so suddenly and in situations where I can never explain it the way I would like, those who ask only get a glimpse of the story behind it. They probably only care to here the short version, quite honestly. And I'm more of a listener, so I would rather hear the story about theirs anyways.
But since this is a space where I can share my thoughts without boring people... because you can come and go as you please or not come at all, I will share the depths of the meaning behind my tattoo.
It begins with a woman... a beautiful woman inside and out.
Jean Louise Langdon is her name and this is her.
She is my grandmother, and I am her only granddaughter. I have always felt a sense of pride, importance, and specialness by being her "only." She and I shared mutual love of many things. As I look back and reminisce I continually find ways in which we are so much alike. Whenever I would visit her on Plum Street in Plymouth, IN at the white house with the cutest little front porch I knew a fun day was in store. Most of the time monotony is so in-exhilarating, yet there can be something so comforting about it. I knew every time I walked into her house there would be a hug and a kiss at the door, a plate of cheddar cheese accompanied by canister of crackers, and a coke served in tall plastic cup waiting for me. It never got old. We would sit and watch old Audrey Hepburn movies. She would let me flip through her old photo books and she would share stories from the past. I loved doing those things with her and spending those precious moments together.
Eventually those visits had to come to an end. Visiting still happened, but things were different. Memory is a crazy thing. I think it's something we take for granted until one day you look in the beautiful face of a kind woman, and what was once a beaming glow looking back, is now like looking at a stone figure. The physical person is still there, but the inner being and everything that makes them the person they are is unrecognizable....it was gone.
The first time reality actually sank in, and I understood there was no going back to the way things were before, memories flooded my mind. I thought about all of the times we had spent together, all of the things we had done, all of ways she made every holiday and birthday so special... they were all gone for her.... and they weren't coming back. I felt a sense of guilt because I could remember and she couldn't. There were arbitrary moments when I could see the old her, but they left as quickly as they came... It was only a few years after her mind left that her body followed its lead. She went to be with the Lord peacefully in February of 2012. Her favorite song "In the Garden" was playing. She was finally released from the prison that is Alzheimer's and is free to spend eternity with Jesus.
Not long after she passed, the idea came to me to frame a card she had sent my mom for Mother's Day years ago and give it to my mom for the upcoming Mother's Day as a way to remember my Grandma. You see, my Grandma gave cards for everything. There was nothing better than receiving a card from her in the mail. She had the most beautiful handwriting and every card was signed the same way, "Love, Grandma." I have never been one to want a tattoo. I never had a problem with them, but they just weren't for me. After seeing that Mother's Day card and going back in time thinking about all of the cards she sent me, the idea of a tattoo suddenly seemed right. Having the word "love" tattooed in her handwriting seemed like the perfect way to symbolize who she was and what she meant to me. Her memory is forever tattooed on my heart and the word "love" tattooed on my wrist represents that in a physical way.
I chose to add the bird for a few reasons. The first reason is because she always loved birds, especially cardinals. The second reason is to represent freedom. She is now free from the chains of Alzheimer's. And she is free to live in eternity with the Lord. Not only does this tattoo remind me of my grandma, but it also reminds me to hold on to the memories I have . When I see it I am reminded that it is not the things of this world that make life worth while, but the relationships we have with people... the nostalgic moments we create... those are things that this life is about.
